Extorting Fame

Hollywood wouldn't be HOLLYWOOD without a summertime Mel Gibson drunken rant caught on tape and broadcast to the world.

In any dysfunctional relationship either party knows how to push buttons and get results. It's even easier when your partner is 1) chemically imbalanced and 2) deals with said imbalance with alcohol and/or drugs.

STEP 1: Plant the seed... any seed... just get your guy to doubt himself.

Alcoholics tend to follow patterns when they drink. You can see it in their eyes. Once the seed is planted, you can pretty much set your watch to when they will be three sheets to the wind.

STEP 2: Just wait by the phone... when it rings... push record. Because ice water courses through your veins, make sure you completely take advantage of his drunken state by calmly running down your checklist of sure fire shit to say that will get a reaction.

STEP 3: Smile, 'cause as his rants escalate, you can taste the money you will extort from him.

STEP 4: Threaten him that you will leak the recordings to TMZ unless he "keeps his agreement" with you.

STEP 5: Actually leak a couple of the recordings to RadarOnline.com just to show him who's boss.

STEP 6: Cross your fingers that William Morris Endeavor agency doesn't drop him, because he'll have nothing to lose then.

OOPS... they DID drop him, his career (and his money pipeline) is over... and the L.A. County Sheriff is investigating you for extortion... ouch... that's a felony.

Oksana *note to self* extortion really only works when someone has something to lose...

Haiti needs another 15 minutes of fame.

I realize the news of Lindsey Lohan's warrant or the shocking news that Megan Fox will not be in the 3rd installment of Transformers may take priority in headline news, but what about Haiti?

Dr. Sanjay Gupta is long gone. Superman Anderson Cooper is in a holding pattern somewhere over the world ready to parachute down to the next global tragedy.

And the people of Haiti still live in a quagmire. Even though we don't see their plite on our televisions every waking hour, doesn't mean the problem has gone away. In fact, in many ways, the situation in Haiti has gotten worse.

Wyclef has set up Yele Haiti and bought some kids some clothes from K Mart, but it seems the real work that needs to be done... isn't.

Please pass this on. Please at least let Haiti occupy some of your mind space. If you believe in the power of prayer... put Haiti back in your prayers... they need it.

Haiti needs another 15 minutes of fame...

•15

Lawrence Taylor arrested for raping a 15 year old???

This is the kind of 15 minutes of fame you don't want.

His accomplishments:

• NFL first round draft (2nd player overall)
• NFL Pro Bowl 10 years
• NFL Defensive player of the year 3 years
• NFL 's 75th Anniversary team
• Superbowl champion (2 times)
• 1999 Hall of Fame

DJ cue... "White Lines" by Sugarhill Gang.

With all of his accomplishments as a pro footballer, actor, pro wrestler (okay, that was more embarrassing than anything else) and even a season on "Dancing With The Stars," what Lawrence Taylor will be remembered most for is...

(excuse me while I fire up the crack pipe)

Lawrence Taylor was arrested early Thursday after being accused of raping and beating a 15-year-old girl at a Montebello, N.Y., hotel, police said.

The 51-year-old former New York Giants linebacker was taken into custody by Ramapo, N.Y., police and was being held in the town jail. His arraignment is scheduled for Thursday afternoon. Additional information will be provided at a news conference.

WTF LAWRENCE???

When 15 minutes goes terribly wrong. America has a sick obsession with seeing our heroes fall. Welcome to your (I've lost count) next cycle of 15 minutes, Lawrence... the clock will be ticking for a while on this one... you might even get 30 minutes.

•15•

Michelle Bombshell McGee drops bomb, Jesse blindsides Sandra

Unfortunately, Sandra, Jesse James doesn't have your back.

Unfortunately, Sandra, Michelle Bombshell McGee saw an opportunity to ride your Oscar coat tails, got in touch with her conscious and spilled her guts to In Touch.

Wait a second! This has nothing to do with consciousness.

LICK IT UP, GIRL! THAT'S A GOOD GIRL!

Enjoy the spike in your website traffic and enjoy the reality show you will get out of this. Karma will not allow you to fully enjoy your 15 minutes, even if your lack of conscious does.

Jesse James carried on with Ms. Bombshell for the eleven months Sandra Bullock was bringing home the bacon and filming "The Blind Side" According to the In Touch article, Jesse spit some weak game about how he and Sandra were separated, getting divorced, etc.


You decide... weak game? Or bitter mistress scorned? I'm sure we'll get every possible play-by-play, angle, etc. over the next few weeks... until another scandal breaks out. I think the only person who benefits from this is Tiger Woods.

Michelle Bombshell McGee, welcome to your fifteen minutes... the clock is ticking!

Old Spice... NEW STAR! 15 minutes ALERT

If you haven't seen it yet, you can here... The Man Your Man Could Smell Like

The actor, Isaiah Mustafa, did hundreds of takes from start to finish over a three day shoot. Who is Isaiah Mustafa???

He played in the NFL from 1997 to 2000 for four different teams. (Tennessee Titans, Oakland Raiders, Cleveland Browns and Seattle Seahawks).

For the Browns he earned $62,000. This commercial campaign? High six figures. Exposure? Priceless.

Welcome to your 15 minutes, Isaiah, the clock is ticking!

Ray J Reunion Show • The Good, The Bad & the downright UGLY!

The Good • Mz. Berry
Mz. Berry, sorry for your loss, but can't say I didn't warn you of what pain 15 minutes of fame can bring. Maybe if you actually opened your eyes (and ears; apparently Mz. Berry chose not to watch the show while hanging in the green room) you wouldn't have been so blind sided.

Turns out, since Mz. Berry was crowned as having the most love for the nonreciprocating Ray J, she hasn't seen him in 5 months. HOWEVER, when asked to see a show of hands from the contestants who didn't win, half of them HAVE either seen or been in contact with the sociopath (aka Brandi's lil' bro)... if that ain't the writing on the wall with the impact of a Shepard Fairey snipe, I don't know what is. Snoop Dogg even said you were not the woman for him... perhaps that's because you are actually a woman.

The Bad • Jaguar
Wow, so I thought at one point, when Ray J was pushing his face on Jaguar's tit like a baby needing a breast milk fix, I actually thought he was going to pull out a ring from one of the show's jewelery sponsors and propose... WTF?!?! Very strange indeed... considering Mz. Berry was back stage at this point, oh yeah, she wasn't watching the show... but we all thought she was. The exchange was about as weird as Tom Cruise's Oprah appearance.

The Downright UGLY!!! • Cocktail
And then, the show took an ugly turn when Cocktail showed up. Complete with more *bleeps* than actual words and a Maury Povich run of shame back stage. Basically, Cocktail called Ray J out on the fact that he is NOT a one woman man (I had no idea) and in a bizarre twist tried to console Mz. Berry, who, after all the crying she did on the actual show, didn't shed one tear... maybe it was a symptom of shock. As Ray J stormed off stage, Cocktail followed him, professing her love for him in between SOBS and *bleeps*.

Soon Ray J's body guards were surrounding him like he was Obama and Mz. Berry actually took on a maternal role and comforted the distraught Cocktail. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...

*whew*

Can't wait to see what Joel McHale, from The Soup, has to say about this!

Michael Vick "The Michael Vick Project" on BET

I feel you Michael Vick...

You pay your debt to society and still can't catch a break. According to heated responses to "The Michael Vick Project" on BET, people would rather see you nailed to a cross with rusty nails, instead of actually shining a light on the fact that you learned from your mistakes.

It astonishes me how the masses are so willing to build someone up and subconsciously salivate at the opportunity to tear 'em down. Spousal abusers (i.e. Michael Madsen) or sex addicted sociopaths (i.e. Charlie Sheen) are given more leniency in the public "I hate you" court.

For the record... Michael Vick has paid is debt to society. He served time in jail and lost millions. Do I in any way support what he did with the dog fights? No... as a dog owner, I was quite appalled. However, I think everyone should have the opportunity to re-present themselves... which he is doing.

You can catch the show on BET.

The American Kennel Club, IAMS or NAPBTA should make Michael Vick their spokesperson. Who better to shine a light on the needs of our best friends than a reformed dog owner?

Michael Vick... welcome to your second round of 15 minutes!